Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
truck couch!
I think your begining to rub off on me, naps are easy to find and Django Reinhardt's melodies ring in my head. I'm going to start a list.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
You've put it in my mouth before I could ever open it; choked me and I wasn't even hungry for this. What can I possibly do for you that would so much as satisfy your own? There was a time I felt heat in your breath as our hearts warmed us, I feel this no longer, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I have become, what you have become, but most importantly; what we have not. Perhaps you can still remember the times it was only of two, when we depended on only two. This is what I remember and refuse to forget, hoping it will one day return to the surface.
The thickness of time and overlap of replays has set apart me and you and I can't seem to find my way back. Maybe iv willed myself to give up at a point where you have willed yourself to forget. Do you not remember how the blood in your body, same as the blood in mine, ran like water and with a force that controls you. Controls your hands and the soul you are so powerfully driven with, to expose this in the only way we know how. That was your life once, I think you needed it.
I too, need this, can you not see the fire in my step and no heed to the burning of my own soul? So strangely resembling what you have lost. You tell me I'm carried away. Yes I'm carried away, who says this is a bad thing? I fall hard and plummet letting myself be wrapped up. I allow myself to cut up and crash. I do it for the time I get to spend falling, perhaps one day I will finally learn to fly.
There is no more trust hear between you and I. That, I am sorry for, but I do not regret any of it. This is the breath of the lungs you gave to me, the touch in my fingers you taught me, and the beauty in my eyes you showed me. It will remain because we need it, I miss you, I can only wait for you to turn around.
The thickness of time and overlap of replays has set apart me and you and I can't seem to find my way back. Maybe iv willed myself to give up at a point where you have willed yourself to forget. Do you not remember how the blood in your body, same as the blood in mine, ran like water and with a force that controls you. Controls your hands and the soul you are so powerfully driven with, to expose this in the only way we know how. That was your life once, I think you needed it.
I too, need this, can you not see the fire in my step and no heed to the burning of my own soul? So strangely resembling what you have lost. You tell me I'm carried away. Yes I'm carried away, who says this is a bad thing? I fall hard and plummet letting myself be wrapped up. I allow myself to cut up and crash. I do it for the time I get to spend falling, perhaps one day I will finally learn to fly.
There is no more trust hear between you and I. That, I am sorry for, but I do not regret any of it. This is the breath of the lungs you gave to me, the touch in my fingers you taught me, and the beauty in my eyes you showed me. It will remain because we need it, I miss you, I can only wait for you to turn around.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Senator Buttars has recently dug himself into a hole with yet another byist comment about the LGBT community. "probably the greatest threat to America," referring to all those that are other than heterosexual as terrorists. Buttars has offended a great percentage of this states own people without any re consent to his harsh words. He goes on to state that this community is not looking for "equality, they want superiority." This is a clear indication of not only Buttars homophobia but political views on what has been a life style for as long as time. How can we have a senate member making laws for our state if they continue to show ignorance and lack of compassion for his own people? In my own eyes I can not call him a representation of this state or it's people.
There has been great tension this year to do with the matter of equal rights for those of the gay community; thicker than it has ever been and it comes to a turning point where we need a decision and the right decision that we can be proud of. This nation is BUILT on freedom is it not? How many times have you heard this argument in our history from racial issues and religion to sexism? Hear we are in the modern age of 2009 and there is still major prejudism being felt. How can we call these important members to our community equal to those with the rights they are denied? We cannot, they are neglected this crucial feature of equality which is moreover hurting our people and government.
To be forewarned this is not an issue that will slip from the minds of Utahans, United State citizens, or any other being on this earth. Perhaps the change of views in our younger generations can clear up the hate and set better examples than our forefathers have. I do see a very distinct and larger acceptance for individuals personal orientation in younger generations, I can only hope that we can make a difference and impression in the society we live in today.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Powerful art
Ilana
I thought you forgot about that Emma
4:24pmemma
why would i ever forget about something like that ilana
4:24pmIlana
Because it's not something people want to remember
4:24pmemma
ilan
do you know the diference between pretty art, and powerfull art?
4:25pmIlana
Not really.
4:25pmemma
pretty art is what you find in motels, or the generic prints you can buy anywhere
its nice to look at and the colors are soft to the eyes
powerfull art
makes you stair
it makes you look away in discust or make you cry
its the line of ignorence
and im not an ignorent painter
i do not paint pretty things ilana
i paint powerfull thigs
or atleast i try to
what i mean is that I dont shy away from pain and i will not ignore it
that makes me ignorent and it kills my art. My art is my soul
i remember because it is powerfull. And you are powerfull to me.
do you understand?
4:28pmIlana
I'm trying to.
I think I do.
4:29pmemma
if i forgot about that ilana. It would say something about how i feal about you; something negative
but i dont. Because i dont see that as something to look away from. Because i love you. No mater what
I thought you forgot about that Emma
4:24pmemma
why would i ever forget about something like that ilana
4:24pmIlana
Because it's not something people want to remember
4:24pmemma
ilan
do you know the diference between pretty art, and powerfull art?
4:25pmIlana
Not really.
4:25pmemma
pretty art is what you find in motels, or the generic prints you can buy anywhere
its nice to look at and the colors are soft to the eyes
powerfull art
makes you stair
it makes you look away in discust or make you cry
its the line of ignorence
and im not an ignorent painter
i do not paint pretty things ilana
i paint powerfull thigs
or atleast i try to
what i mean is that I dont shy away from pain and i will not ignore it
that makes me ignorent and it kills my art. My art is my soul
i remember because it is powerfull. And you are powerfull to me.
do you understand?
4:28pmIlana
I'm trying to.
I think I do.
4:29pmemma
if i forgot about that ilana. It would say something about how i feal about you; something negative
but i dont. Because i dont see that as something to look away from. Because i love you. No mater what
Friday, February 13, 2009
My face is frostbitten and my body shivers quietly beneath this thin sweatshirt, but I feel warm today. As if my blood is already pumping to spring's metronome. like no other before it I have spent this winter shivering with my mind frozen and cold, it has been a long winter that is for sure. I look up and watch the snow fall heavily upon my face and this earth. Flakes as big as quarters are drifting slowly over the city and dusting off the inversion. There is only so many more days left of winter and I can feel warmer weather approaching in my shoulder.
My fingers burn and I can't feel my toes, but it doesn't stop me from grinning up to the sky. I try to find the point where the snow begins; following the flakes up into the cool gray above. It's impossible to find this point and impossible to distinguish the individual flakes. my breath melts in contact.
Today I am free from the burden of winter, absolutely carefree from all that surounds me. Only thoughts of you are deep enough to penetrate this, more than the pain as I carry the snow in my hands. Winter is leaving and I am ready for the end. The end of coldness and grays, but with every end there is a beginning. I look at this as a clean break from the last year and all the harsh words that have pierced flesh of my own and others, or the petty actions done out of carelessness. When the shoots of new life come up and snow recedes back to it's corners, I will feel the last of change and realize that it is now that I can speak.
I hope you can feel change too, and the coming of the seasons, such strong forces and pull of nature.
Slipping my half thawed fingers in yours we are going to try this and experience with new senses. Because I have begun again, awakened to you.
happy valentines day, Om Mani Padme Hung
My fingers burn and I can't feel my toes, but it doesn't stop me from grinning up to the sky. I try to find the point where the snow begins; following the flakes up into the cool gray above. It's impossible to find this point and impossible to distinguish the individual flakes. my breath melts in contact.
Today I am free from the burden of winter, absolutely carefree from all that surounds me. Only thoughts of you are deep enough to penetrate this, more than the pain as I carry the snow in my hands. Winter is leaving and I am ready for the end. The end of coldness and grays, but with every end there is a beginning. I look at this as a clean break from the last year and all the harsh words that have pierced flesh of my own and others, or the petty actions done out of carelessness. When the shoots of new life come up and snow recedes back to it's corners, I will feel the last of change and realize that it is now that I can speak.
I hope you can feel change too, and the coming of the seasons, such strong forces and pull of nature.
Slipping my half thawed fingers in yours we are going to try this and experience with new senses. Because I have begun again, awakened to you.
happy valentines day, Om Mani Padme Hung
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I can only imagine from the fragments of my younger memories, what it would be like to feel hopelessly lost. With feet floating only inches from solid grounds. There is no structure or morals in this place. This place, this world that you slip into... I am yet to experience, nye comprehend.
I cry out for the pain in which you cannot express when all you see is the white sterile walls of this solid room, gazing deep beneath yourself with filmy eyes, you forget me, I am only a face.
I am afraid and helpless in your presence, not for my own sake; but for yours. This is your life after all, and nothing in it can be changed mind fatality which is not an answer.
I can give you no pity because I feel there is non to be given. You are filled with the pity of others: they call it sickness and keep quiet to the embarrassment of a black sheep. No, I will give no pity, I can only give love and my hands when you are blinded.
Angered by such ignorance, and saddened by your embarrassment.
You fall, much harder than others, but your bones and scares are thick; padding you well in battle. I see pure determination of those who are silent and who share such quiet lives.
It's ok to be afraid of the unknown and fear what scares us most, but not to push it away from us. Don't shut out the blackness because it will always remain. As the shadow that is stitched to your feet. You cannot run.
It is uncertain were life leads us but I do not fear the future, I embrace it. Because it is life, and when you forget and fear for all that is in you, I will be waiting hear smiling, calling out your name.
I cry out for the pain in which you cannot express when all you see is the white sterile walls of this solid room, gazing deep beneath yourself with filmy eyes, you forget me, I am only a face.
I am afraid and helpless in your presence, not for my own sake; but for yours. This is your life after all, and nothing in it can be changed mind fatality which is not an answer.
I can give you no pity because I feel there is non to be given. You are filled with the pity of others: they call it sickness and keep quiet to the embarrassment of a black sheep. No, I will give no pity, I can only give love and my hands when you are blinded.
Angered by such ignorance, and saddened by your embarrassment.
You fall, much harder than others, but your bones and scares are thick; padding you well in battle. I see pure determination of those who are silent and who share such quiet lives.
It's ok to be afraid of the unknown and fear what scares us most, but not to push it away from us. Don't shut out the blackness because it will always remain. As the shadow that is stitched to your feet. You cannot run.
It is uncertain were life leads us but I do not fear the future, I embrace it. Because it is life, and when you forget and fear for all that is in you, I will be waiting hear smiling, calling out your name.
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